FROM TRAGEDY TO TRIUMPH

Jeannie Remy

Have you ever found yourself in the midst of a tragedy, a place where your entire world was turned upside down? Tragedy was the moment of my wake-up call, when I found myself in a sudden place of loss and devastation, confused about the way my life had ended up. Now, I want to take you along with me, as I share the story of how my life turns From Tragedy to Triumph.

I lived the so-called perfect life as a wife and a stay-at-home mother. This was all I ever dreamed of being since I was a little girl. To the best of my abilities, I spent every day making sure that my family’s basic needs were met, but over the years I noticed a constant state of restlessness, somewhere deep inside my heart. As the years went on, the stirring inside of me only seemed to escalate and created a troubled sense of unhappiness. My life didn’t seem to turn out the way I thought it would. I felt empty inside, unfulfilled, and yet I didn’t know why. Without being able to address this issue properly, my emotions began spiraling out of control, and landed me straight into a pit of bitterness and resentment towards the people that I loved the most. Without knowing what to do, I began shutting down emotionally. This pain caused me to build walls that isolated me from most everyone in my life. Consequently, I closed myself off from any possibility of having open and honest communication. My unhappiness became the center of all the problems for my family as well.  

On August 21, 2013, I was struck with a sudden reality that shook me to the core. Although it seemed like a usual kind of day, with my head stuck in my never-ending closet of clothes, wondering what to wear, I felt someone’s hands on my shoulders begin to pull me out. It was my daughter Shannon trying to get my full attention before she went off to work that day, or so I thought. She was wearing her work clothes with a knapsack on her back. I noticed it was packed to the brim; practically overflowing with what I thought was a change of clothes. Without any suspicion in my mind about her intentions, I asked, “I suppose you’re going out with your friends after work tonight?” She looked me in the eyes and replied, “Maybe mom.”  As she proceeded to embrace me for an unusually long hug, something just didn’t feel right. It felt more like it was a goodbye, as if to say, “I’m not going to be seeing you for quite a while.” 

By eleven thirty that night, I began to worry because she still had not returned home. I called her cell phone continuously without any answers.  For some unexplainable reason, I was suddenly overcome with a strange feeling that she had run away. With each passing hour and unsuccessful attempt to reach her by phone, I realized her unusually long goodbye hug was about to become a dark reality, which would forever change our lives.

Later that evening, my fear escalated to heights that were unbearable to manage. I knew she was gone, and when I tried to open the door to her room, I found that it was locked. Finally managing to unlock her door, I rushed over to open her drawers and found most of her clothes missing. I knew in my heart wherever she went; she must have been long gone by this time.

At four in the morning, I woke up my husband Mike and told him what had happened. Expressing my concern about having this strange feeling that she had run away, he kept trying to give me some reassurance by saying, “Jeannie, teenage kids want to stay out all night, and you’re just letting your imagination run wild. Try to keep calm, and we will find her. She probably fell asleep at a friend’s house.”

At six o’clock that morning Mike decided to drive around town to see if he could find her. During this time, I went back into her room to look around more thoroughly. I had no idea what I was looking for until I found a letter tucked deep in the corner of her desk. It was hidden behind her TV, so that it was out of my immediate sight, until this time. I can remember my entire body felt numb as I slowly walked towards the letter.

I could not get to that letter fast enough! Everything seemed to move in slow motion, as my mind thought of the worst-case scenarios, wondering what she wrote in her letter. I remember thinking for a second, “Oh God, I hope this is not a suicide letter!” My body trembled, my hands shook, my eyes raced through each sentence to reach these final words written in her letter, “I’m going away for a while. I love you and I will miss you.” Her letter was so vague that it only left me thinking of the worst-case scenarios as to the reason she ran away!

My body froze in the chair. In that moment, the feelings of complete sadness and hopelessness pierced straight through my heart. The letter only briefly explained that she had an inner desire to go on this journey, and that her heart was calling her to chase her dreams for quite some time. I remember reading that I would no longer be able to contact her because she threw her cellphone away. Her written words of betrayal left me shocked with sheer terror and so many unanswered questions. I felt my body go completely numb once again! I had no idea how to control my level of anxiety, and my emotions went into a feeling of complete desperation to find out where she was headed right then and there, but I didn’t know where to even begin to search for her.

Not long after reading her letter, the cold harsh reality began setting in. Everything I was living for as her mother completely vanished in that moment. I felt worthless and immediately began falling apart, as I questioned my ability as her mother. I thought I gave her everything I had from my heart and soul in loving her everyday up until this point, but I was wrong. Her letter became the shocking finality that our lives were no longer together. It seemed unimaginable to me that Shannon’s sudden departure would become a heart-breaking reality for us as a family.

Sitting quietly in complete and utter disbelief, I realized this was not just a bad dream, but was the story of my life. A fury of emotions came barreling in on me like a freight train. I knew in my heart that I had somehow played a major part in the sad scene I suddenly found myself in. There was a complete loss, not only for my daughter, but also for my own sense of worth. My life’s accumulation of mistakes and failures had added up to this one heaping mess which was now caving in on me. My daughter’s disappearance led me to a moment of truth about myself, and all the secrets that I was holding inside. Feeling washed up and worn out, I felt as if I would die. My own parental irresponsibility and years of unhappiness, destructive choices, and lack of communication became the blaringly obvious problem that stood between us. This was the absolute lowest moment of my life, leaving me face to face with the uncertain circumstances.  

There in my daughter’s empty room, I suddenly found myself in silence, bowing my head before God for the first time in my life. All I was thinking and praying in my heart was “God, I am so sorry for what I’ve done!”  Feeling completely sunk under a crashing wave of emotions, I suddenly had a flash vision from God. He was telling me that there were many changes that needed to be made in my life. I had to finally face the truth about my sins, admit that my behaviors were wrong, undergo a deep personal transformation, and fix all the problems I caused my family. This was the pinnacle moment when something deep within my heart changed forever. It was in this very moment of distress when I repented of my sins and made Jesus my Lord and Savior.

While the life I chose to lead up to this point was not the one that God had planned for me, I grabbed onto the hope and assurance that God was now giving me another chance to make things right. He promised me that He was going to show me how to fix this entire mess. He would give me the desires of my heart, making sure I would get my daughter back safely, and finally have my family restored. He was there just waiting for me all along, and in this moment of weakness, God became a strength inside of me that I had never experienced before. My shame was wiped away and turned into pure forgiveness. Although there was still a long road ahead of me, I had hope my future was brighter with God ever present in my life.

God began to put the pieces together in a way that I would have never expected, connecting the right people in a sheer miraculous way. His plan for restoring myself and my family was greater than anything I could have ever imagined

It began with Mike checking our personal family files to discover that Shannon took all her personal identification with her. Within the first day after she was missing, we called the police department and filed a missing person’s report, contacted an FBI agent, and hired private investigators. The investigators searched through her room and found a picture in her closet of a California license plate. They asked me for her most recent photo to use for their further investigation. That afternoon they spoke with her previous place of employment, teachers, and friends to find out if anyone knew where she might be.

Her friends said that they had no idea where she was. All they knew was that she was headed on a trip. Upon the investigators questioning, her friends did wind up telling them that Shannon had thrown her cell phone into the nearby harbor. Realizing this, my heart skipped a beat facing the reality that I had absolutely no way of contacting her.

The next thing I decided to do was to track all her outgoing cell phone calls in the last month. I found a toll-free phone number in last month’s statement, and knew it was a lead. She was meticulous about not leaving any traces behind her except for this one phone call, which led me to Amtrak. I spoke with Amtrak service, and they apologetically said they couldn’t give me any information because she was at the legal age of eighteen. She was considered an adult, excluding me from any further information.  The next day, I finally received confirmation from the local police department. They informed me that she took Amtrak from New York to Chicago. From there she went across the rest of the country and finally arrived in Los Angeles, California.

At this point, everything was spinning out of control. My life was a mess, my marriage was suffering from my constant threat of divorce, my unfaithfulness and disloyalty was a disgrace, I had addictions I wasn’t even aware of, and my daughter was lost with nowhere to be found.  I thought my resources to find her ran out, but that was when God’s plan and connections I never saw before stepped in.

Several months before my daughter’s runaway, my husband had introduced me to a friend of his who was living in Los Angeles named John. Never realizing the importance of this timely connection, I reached out to him.  Not only was John a Christian who wanted to help me know more about Jesus, but he also connected me to his friend Sammy who also lived in Los Angeles California, and was a Christian preacher who helped runaways.

I sent John a picture of Shannon, hoping by some chance he might see her in Los Angeles. It was a long shot, thinking one man could find my daughter amongst millions of people in a city. While farfetched, I was desperate for any chance to find her. It was only a few days later, when I heard from his friend Sammy, who after just speaking to him for the first time told me he had dealt with many runaways before and strengthened my hope. Something about him assured me that he knew how to help me to handle my situation properly.  It was no doubt in my mind that God had lined these people up and connected me to them as a resource of help. Sammy was a complete stranger, and yet when I spoke with him for the first time, I felt like I had known him all along. It seemed God had provided him as a key answer to my problems.

How does someone who is caught right in the middle of a mess, where it looks like nothing will ever change, have hope? When circumstances look like everything has fallen apart and the situation will never change, how can one’s hope be possible? All it takes is faith to have one touch of God’s favor, just one good break, one phone call, and He can connect us to the right people. God will open doors we never expect and create a sudden miracle of change for everyone involved. What seems impossible suddenly becomes possible. Just one connection with the right person can begin to change everything.

Sammy and I prayed together for Shannon’s safety over the phone, and we kept in touch almost daily speaking more about how to solve my personal problems. Quite frankly, our conversations kept me from going nuts and helped me to stay encouraged. I realized God had already made this arrangement ahead of time, these were the connections I could not make happen on my own.  Out of nowhere, this essential connection came to me. I didn’t ask him for help, I didn’t even know him. He just reached out to me from over 3,000 miles away to help. For no apparent reason, he went out of his way to be good to me when I needed it most. He was ordained by God to move me to know my true identity in Christ. I didn’t have to figure things out, face this alone anymore, or know exactly how it was going to work out. God caused this one person to personally help me to change and this was just the beginning.

Every hour that went by, I waited in hope and prayer for Shannon to contact me. Every day that passed was a complete blur. Five agonizing days later, I received her first contact by email. At the time, I never even looked at my emails, but on this particular day, I believe God led me to check them.  I could not believe my eyes at first, when I saw her email was actually there. I screamed out to Mike, “Shannon emailed me!” It was a moment of breakthrough, another open door, and the moment I was waiting for. With one touch of God’s favor, another door opened to reconnect our lives. Although her email didn’t give any details of where she was or why she left; only that she was on a great adventure meeting new people and seeing new places. It was a real slap in my face, as if she was having the time of her life, while leaving us behind, shattered into a million pieces. She refused to give me any details, fearing that I would find her and try to force her to come back home. I didn’t mention to her that I was in contact with our local police department and was notified of her general location, for fear that she would only run even farther. Sammy helped me to respond to her email without allowing my emotions to make matters worse. He mentioned that I needed to gain her respect, not to chase after her, to let the pony run, until it did not want to run anymore.

After her first email was received, we were without any further contact. There was no way I could deal properly with something of this magnitude without God. The chaotic state of my family led me to believe that my only hopeful choice was to allow God to make a message out of this mess. While my daughter’s runaway was the superficial problem, I began to realize that God and Sammy were asking me to get to the root of the real problem-me.  I needed to realize my mistakes, and allow God to transform my heart and mind. I didn’t know exactly where to begin, other than to seek God and do my part in changing the things God was asking of me, so I could become a better woman for my family. I had to be accountable for the things I didn’t do right in the past. It was my responsibility to pursue God so that He could mend everything that was broken inside of me.

I took it one step at a time, as I journeyed with God. It was through my faith in Him that I believed my family would one day be restored, but I had to begin with my own heart and the horrific state of trouble that I had gotten myself into. Throughout speaking with Sammy, the relationship evolved into him becoming my personal Christian mentor. I knew he was sent into my life because of one simple prayer I had with God a few months before Shannon had run away. I didn’t know exactly what to pray, but I realized I was missing something and God put it in my heart to pray for a spiritual coach, which is what I did. Sammy appeared in my life at just the right time. The pain of change would not be easy, but the pain of staying where I was felt unbearable. I was finished making excuses for the misery I was creating for everyone. This was a fight I needed to press through, it was not only for myself, but for my family, and for other families I wanted to help as well one day. The examples to set before other women needed to exemplify how to be an excellent wife and mother. I knew part of the reason Shannon had left was because she sensed hopelessness inside of me. Once and for all, I was determined to make the decision to change my attitude. Fulfilling my own life with God’s purposes would one day set a great example. I wanted my story to give hope to other women, so their lives could be filled with hope and purpose too. This was an awesome opportunity to share how faithful God is and how He can heal our hearts, transform our minds, and restore our lost and broken families.  

It had been three long hard months since the day Shannon ran away before I would finally hear her voice again when she called me on the phone. I knew in the past, I had treated her poorly, was critical of her, and mishandled many opportunities to love her properly. Sammy was right, I reaped what I sowed. She did not respect me because I handled our relationship so poorly. This phone call, however, was my second chance, it was a new opportunity for our relationship to begin to become what it should have been all along.

During these several months, I had time with God to stop the cycles of negative self-talk, thinking my life was over, my marriage was irreparable, my daughter wouldn’t give me another chance, believing it was too late to ever be happy or satisfied, or hadn’t any talent to make my dreams a reality. No, my thoughts and attitudes were different now with God. In His Word, He promised to heal my broken heart and bind up my wounds (Psalm 147:3). I learned instead of becoming bitter, to forgive, love, and become an entirely different wife and mother than I was before.

Our first conversation was one that was built on the changes in me that occurred while she was gone. There was such a noticeable difference in my attitude that even she noticed. Towards the end of the conversation, she told me that the changes she heard in me had changed everything for her. Before she said her goodbye she said that I would be hearing from her again very soon. God knew this was what I needed to hear. It was my goal to begin to rebuild our relationship with the kind of trust we never had before.

Reflecting on my behaviors in the past as a wife and mother helped me to judge all of these areas in need of great change. I realized so many areas of my life fell short of the mark. There was relentless work on my part to renew my heart and mind by faithfully studying the Word of God, and I began learning His will for my life. There were many instructions for godly women in the bible who were depicted in the image of the perfect wife and mother that I had no knowledge of before. Instead, my family had become a whipping post for my emotional self-centered outbursts that stemmed from my own personal deep-rooted fears and insecurities.

My misery was an infectious poison and led me to be destructively critical of my husband. I tried to berate him with personal digs and insults, and wanted to let him know every negative thought I had of him. I tried to demean, degrade, emasculate, and make a mockery of him in front of my children and family. I focused on any kind of negativity in others to avoid my own feelings of emptiness and inadequacy. It was not until this tragedy occurred in our lives that I was virtually forced to see what I had allowed myself to become. I wound up having to come face to face with a cold-hearted, disloyal wife. Unfortunately, it took the tragedy of Shannon’s runaway to finally face the truth about myself.

As I built a healthier relationship with Shannon and trust was beginning to be repaired between us, I was able to encourage her to connect with Sammy also. It turned out that she began to realize she needed help too. She called him later that day and began visiting his church every Sunday thereafter. Sammy helped Shannon pursue her dreams of singing and songwriting through yet more God-placed connections. His personal assistant Janeen was a singer/songwriter herself, and was perfectly lined up to become my daughter’s mentor. He also helped her connect with a woman that wanted to rent a room in her house near him, and immediately she moved in. These were yet more breakthroughs caused by God. Finally, I knew she was safe and sound with just the right opportunities lined up for her. It wasn’t long before she accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior.

It was seven months after Shannon disappeared from our lives when my prayers for her to come back home to visit were answered. This was the start of a deeper more honest relationship between us. She asked for forgiveness and this was another chance to repair damage between us. It was truly a miracle how God began to turn everything in our lives around to see His goodness because of our faith. One can never underestimate the power of prayer.

Even through the storm of difficulties, I never gave up on believing in the vision of hope God gave me. Every time opposition arose, or I was tempted to lose hope, or fear things would turn for the worse, I would encourage myself in God’s personal promise for my family’s restoration. Time and time again, I would say out loud “how faithful my God is” and I was not about to settle for less than what He promised me, not only for my own personal strength and healing, but for my family as well.

Just as it was predicted, in our darkness, there was a surge of God’s favor poured out over our lives. No, the enemy did not have the final say! God mended the broken pieces and joined our family back together again.  He had given us back everything we lost and more. There is not a day that goes by that I am not thankful to God for all He has done and also for sending especially caring people into our lives who played an intricate part in helping to support us in such time of trouble. There were days I really didn’t know how I would make it through the pain and heartache, but God was always there to help guide me and bring just the right people into my life to keep me from falling apart. If it were not for the help of these dear people who reached out from places we least expected, I would just hate to think about where our lives would have wound up today.

So, what do you do when the bottom falls out, the unthinkable happens, when there is so much hurt, brokenness, and pain? How do you heal your heart and restore your families from grief and loss? How do you apply the Word of God to your situation to have everything turn around and see the goodness of God? I learned along the course of my journey that our faith moved mountains. The storms that were meant to destroy us were used to propel us forward. Obtaining everything we hoped for was based on our faith filled prayers and trust in God. Our faith- being the confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1) gave us the ability to see beyond the hard times.

If any of you are in a hard place today, pray to God to look beyond the dark clouds of the storm, stay encouraged, know it is only temporary, and that good things are coming. Take the limits off God, believe He is fighting your battles, and light will come bursting through it all. Trust in His plans for your life, never give up, hold on, and resist the fear that He won’t come through. The bible says, “So you do not fear for I am with you, for I am your God, I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteousness (Isaiah 41:10).” Turn your fear into faith. God will comfort, guide, and heal you, as well as uphold you when you are in any type of pain or heartache. Just when you think you are at your lowest, pray and plea for God’s rescue. He will become your strength, your hope, and He will bring help from places you least expect. Look for Divine surprises of grace and favor.

Finally, I believe God wants to encourage you to share your struggles, heartaches, victories, and triumphs with people who can support you or be inspired by you. What eventually begins to happen is that others will begin to feel comfortable and open enough to say, “Let me tell you about what happened to me”. It is such a blessing to be able to listen to each other, pray for one another, and lift each other in great hope. God knows this is something we all need. A network of building personal connections with other faith-filled women can give all of us an immeasurable amount of strength to overcome even the worst imaginable circumstances.

If you have events in your life where you have had a genuine experience with Jesus Christ, you are welcome to share your story of faith here to encourage and inspire others. Visit the Contact Page to share your story.

Jeannie Remy,

Heart of a Wife