We can put so much pressure on ourselves as the holidays approach.  After some serious thought about this dilemma, I decided to share some of my past experiences.

It will take bravery to openly admit to my monsterlike behaviors. They are not something that I am proud of. If I could go back in time to do things differently, I would, but I can’t. I am hoping that I can save someone else the trouble of going through similar experiences.

I’ve always been one who looked forward to the holiday season. I enjoyed planning for the special events and hosting them for many years. A lot of effort went into preparing for them, right down to the last detail.

The planning for a menu of homemade holiday meals was of utmost importance. Cleaning everything, until nice and sparkly, decorating inside and out … the trees, the bushes, and anything else that I could put pretty twinkling lights on became a tireless effort. I don’t know about anyone else, but the shiny presents underneath the Christmas tree must be color coordinated, and the bows arranged just so. For me, it is creative art.

Another one of my must-haves was the perfect holiday outfit for the season. Eventually, I found myself exhausted trying to keep up with all the hoopla that surrounds the perfect holiday.

It was always my heart’s desire to create special holiday memories for my family over the years. Yet, I realize that somewhere along the way, I lost the true meaning of the holidays. “Tis the season to be jolly” caused me to lose sight of something more important. The Christian values that I vowed to live by had fallen by the wayside.

Early in the season, I had already become a woman that I did not recognize. To be frank, I lost control of myself – my emotions led the way. The pressure to have everything perfect was building inside of me. I was a ticking time bomb about to go off.

It only took a slight variation from the “perfect” holiday plan for me to explode. As my kids put it plainly, I turned into “Mom – The Holiday Monster” when my plans were tampered with. Wow, the thought of being a holiday monster sounds so harsh doesn’t it? Truth be told, I was acting kind of scarey.

At first, I took offense to such an awful name. I could have actually done that for quite a while, and slathered myself in a pile of self-pity. Then I heard that still, small voice from God. Issues needed to be addressed. The condition of my heart was not right before God.

My heart felt such disappointment when I thought about my priorities going awry. The pressure that I put on myself brought out a side of me that I did not like. I had to ask myself who this bitter woman was, lashing out at her family in the middle of a special event. Although I worked hard to provide a special memory for my family, I turned into a drama queen and my dreams were shattered!

A resounding absence of peace stood in the midst of the holiday. There was no sign of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, humility, or self-control. The way that I acted left an imprint of a monster in my children’s minds! It was a pity, alright. I lost hold of my virtues.

I let certain beliefs that held true meaning in my life slip away. I distanced myself from God. I could not ever be made perfect with a pathetic solo attempt. Not even close. I would be doomed to failure. The negative affect the holidays had on me and my family needed to be taken seriously.

I thought that I had solid Christian beliefs. This meant that no matter how I felt in the midst of conflict, I needed to choose the high road, and love others. Yet, this was not my kids firsthand experience. Before their very eyes, they saw Mom- The Holiday Monster come to life. This was not the look that I was after!

I admit that it was not a good example for my family. Bitterness and resentment had been a pattern of behaviors in the past. Burning the candles at both ends can produce a bitter attitude. In no way do I ever want these behaviors taking root in my heart again. I must know my limits and avoid going into monster overload.

The bottom line is … I refuse to make excuses for myself. No, it is not being too hard on myself to admit the truth. I expect to be all that God created me for, as a wife and mother. It is time to be a woman who blesses her family, who knows her true joy in the Lord. 

I wonder if anyone else can relate to Mom – The Holiday Monster? I’d love for you to comment or share your story.